I want to hide

Monday 1st August 2016 (4.57pm)

3/10 – My day got worse as it progressed. I went to the pool and did a lazy swim. I then received a text message from line manager asking to meet for a welfare check and we arranged to meet this afternoon in Bridgend.

As for my meeting it did not go how I expected. My line manager and new line manager to be, were very supportive and I cannot fault them for this. There was no pressure put on me to return but we discussed a return and how it would happen. I explained that I would know when I was ready. What bothered me, was that comments had been made about how good I was looking on Facebook. I took this the wrong way and thinking that people had been ‘snitching’ on me for doing events and smiling. I have always been very open about my training and events and I have been encouraged to continue this by professionals. Though the comment was meant in a positive way I did not see this and took is as a smack in the chops. The problem with what I am experiencing with the depression and / or medication is that I can easily make mountains out of mole hills which is what I have probably done in this situation.

At the moment I just feel like hiding away from everything. I was making such good progress and it concerns me how one small comment has upset me so much and tipped me over the edge so to speak. How willI I cope with the demands of work if I can’t even cope with this. What I do know, is that I did not like being in a work environment. I felt weird and I did not like it. I feel tired and emotionally drained. On top of this it is raining and I want to be somewhere hot in the sun!

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