The start of the decline

Wednesday 26th October 2016 (9.05pm)

4/10 – I got up early and was in the outdoor pool by 7.30am. Tired but knew that I needed to do it. Ended up having a nice 1 mile swim. I stayed in the lounge for a while but a severe headache and tiredness won out in the end so I went home and slept.

I saw GP at 2pm and mentioned my tiredness and apparent rubbish memory. No definitive answer if related to medication. My brain just feels like it has switched off. I have now been prescribed Trazodone which I have to take at night as it is sleep enhancing. I have to take 50mg tonight and build up to 150mg over the next couple of nights. It will be interesting to see how I get on with these. Mood is still flat, and as I said to the Dr, perhaps this is normal and this is the way I am. It is weird but I have an urge to self harm, I don’t know why or how.

I did not go to mindfulness this evening as I was so tired and just not in the mood to even tackle the drive there and back. Many people have missed sessions so I don’t feel that bad about it. My head still hurts so I will just go to bed now. I don’t plan on getting up really early tomorrow. I will make my plans when I wake up. Having read up on the side effects of these drugs, I just hope that I am not zonked out all day.

I had contact from the BBC, just to sort out some admin things. I really want to get started on this now as I am sure if will give me a new positive perspective. Still no contact from work.

(11.48 hours)

I hope this isn’t a sign of things to come. I have been trying to sleep since about 10.30pm and can’t. My head is really busy and it hurts. Absolutely mega tired so got up to make a hot chocolate.

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