Wednesday 18th January 2017 (8.06pm)
3/10 – Feeling fed up and anxious this evening. I had my usual early morning GP appointment and we discussed my impending return to work. It looks like I will be retuning a week on Monday. I am not sure how I feel about it. There have been times today when I have thought that it would be ok and good for me and at other times I have thought that I can’t do it which makes me not want to go back. I need to go back for financial reasons and I will be going back on reduced hours as well as taking accumulated annual leave. There is no way I could go back any other way.
I feel disorientated probably because of what I have gone through and had to adjust to since April. Everything is about to change again when I return to work. I will certainly be going back a different person with different objectives and a different focus. If it wasn’t for the BBC documentary and their support and what I have to look forward to with it then I probably would not be going back as I would have no positive outlook which dumps me into further depression.