Wednesday 25th January 2017 (7.52pm)
I have not been great. Monday I was very low and lacked any sort of motivation to do anything. I met up with ‘A’ for Costa and whilst waiting in the car park I had a phone call off ‘J’ from the BBC. He detected that I was not doing too good so he offered to drive down to come and see me with ‘F’. It was very nice of him to suggest but I declined due to their travel and the fact that I would see them both in London later. It just goes to show how supportive the BBC crew are.
It took me four and a half hours to get to the Holiday Inn Express, North West London. A few of the team were already there and I was not really in the sociable mood but it was nice to catch up with people over dinner. I got to my room at 9pm feeling incredibly low.
Yesterday I met up with the team for breakfast before heading off to the Lee Valley National Athletics Stadium. Had a really good day filming and once again I have had to pinch myself to make sure that I am part of such an incredible process. The morning consisted of indoor track work. I struggled mentally and my left knee / shin was quite painful.
I spoke with the Psychiatrist and discussed my anxiety about returning to work next week and my low mood. Though he could not tell me what to do he said that I needed to make a decision as soon as possible and to stick with it as ruminating was not helping. I said that the way I was currently feeling it was a ‘no’ on returning. I said that in my own head I wanted to make a decision by Thursday after talking things over with my counsellor. I was not very positive in front of camera. I said that I was feeling low and when asked, I scored my mood as 4/10.
The afternoon consisted of out door track work which I enjoyed, even though my left knee was extremely painful I did not want to make a fuss of it. Once again I was introduced to new ways of moving the body and exercising within limits. Overall, I enjoyed the day, it was good to see everyone but I did not have the usual buzz about myself. I arrived home just before 9pm.
This morning I could have stayed in bed as I felt really down. I got up about 10.30am as my parents were arriving with Olly at midday. I did have intentions to go to the gym this morning but my shit mood soon sucked this out of me.
I had a lovely afternoon with my parents and Olly down the beach, eating fish and chips. It was a warm and sunny afternoon, so good to be out and about. Leg is still painful and I am glad to have Olly back. Mood today 5/10.