Monday 30th January 2017 (6.50pm)
4/10 – I did it, I made it in to work, 10 months after I left. I went in for midday to fit around what usually is a busy Monday morning with management meetings, typically, this meant that I was thinking about it all morning. Everyone made me feel very welcome and it was nice to see people. My line manager was not available so I met with my DCI and had a good chat. There were no expectations put on me and there was no pressure. I do not yet have a structured working plan, but for this week I will be working 4 hours. I could not log onto the computer due to having been suspended for being off for so long. Relevant paperwork also needs to be completed before my account can be reactivated.
I felt lost and out of my depth so I went out to Costa with some of my team and did not really do much else. I do not know how I will cope with the demand. I found it very overwhelming, I felt like a spare part. Memories of what had happened when last at work when I was at my lowest came flooding back. I could not look at anything to do with work. My idea of a catch up on emails and to see what had been going on in the world of policing didn’t happen due to not being able to log on.