Wednesday 15th February 2017 (8.07pm)
I really do not feel like writing but because I haven’t for almost a week I thought I had better get something on paper considering what has happened. I am tired so this update will probably not have the detail I would like.
On Saturday I dropped off Olly with my parents, whilst I prepared for my trip to London for another BBC training camp. Sunday, I got on a train (not something I usually do as I prefer to drive everywhere but couldn’t for this one) at 1025 and arrived in London by 1pm. After dropping my kit off at the hotel, I went out for a walk, taking in the sites of Westminster Abbey, The London Eye and Trafalgar Square.
On Sunday evening as a group we got together and had a meeting with the BBC crew who explained to us the plans for the following day. Having some idea, we all sat nervously and excited in a conference room to be told that we would be meeting Prince Harry and the Duke & Duchess of Cambridge.
Thankfully, not so much of an early start on Monday, we all left the hotel at 9am (in a posh mini bus) and made our way around the corner to St James’s Park. As a group, we had some fun taking selfies with Buckingham Palace in the Background before filming began. It was quite emotional seeing the finishing area and this is when reality kicked in along with excitement after all of these years of watching the marathon on TV. I have always been inspired by the runners raising millions of pounds for charity, many of them dressed up in costumes which appeared impossible to run in. Whilst I always thought I would love to run it, I never thought that I would ever get lucky enough in the ballot or have such an opportunity come my way.
Standing in St James’s Park, with Nick and crew doing visualisation techniques and strategies was surreal. This shit had just got real, very real in fact. After some interviews to camera we then jumped back on to the mini bus to be taken off to our next location. It was ‘Changing of the Guards’ and we almost got craned off the mall whilst waiting for crew. Funny moment and I am not sure if we could have used our Royal ‘contacts’ to save us from the Tower.
Our next stop was St Mary’s University in Twickenham. It was a gorgeous, bright, sunny day and we could not have asked for better weather for the occasion. We walked passed security (as you do) and passed all of the ‘FILMING IN PROCESS – PLEASE DO NOT ENTER’ signs and into our hang out room which was filled with KitKats, flap jacks, crisps, nuts and fruit (this had become our BBC staple diet). We were actually fed proper meals as well may I add.
Prince Harry and the Duke & Duchess of Cambridge arrived at 2.30pm whilst we were doing exercises on the track. Not looking my best and sweaty was just how I wanted to meet them! They came over to speak to us and shook our hands, had a chat then joined in some of the exercises. A crowd had appeared and it again was another magical moment; running along an athletics track with three Royals. I never thought I would be doing this whilst as a kid running on the bumpy, grass track at Tenby Junior school.
We then had interviews / chats on camera. Myself, Mel and Nick sat with Catherine talking about mental health. We talked about me being in the police and how ‘open’ I had become and how I recognised the importance of talking and getting help and support. Did I really sit there casually chatting about such important and life saving / changing stuff with the Duchess of Cambridge? Yep!
It was then time for promo photo shoots. There I was, stood next to Prince Harry, with our arms around each other. We then had our individual pictures done before doing some closing interviews.
The train journey back to Wales did not feel real. I had to stand for the first part of it. Really people ‘do you know who I am and who I have just been with?’ (laughs).
I arrived home at 9.30pm and my head was buzzing from the day. Things like this do not happen to me.
Bump and back down to reality, yesterday (Tuesday) I saw the Force Medical Dr and we discussed how my return went and how I wanted to return but I was just not yet ready. I need to go back and see him in eight weeks time.
Today has not been good. I had an 8.30am GP appointment. I feel like the Dr is getting fed up with me. It would not surprise me as I am fed up with myself. We discussed a return to work but do not know when this will be. I have been signed off for another month. My plan afterwards was to go training but I felt physically and mentally drained.
I feel like I am in a self destructive mood. I am planning on how I can destruct and I have been thinking about just stopping my medication (again). I will see how I feel tomorrow.
The last few days have been difficult to comprehend. Whilst Monday was amazing and one of the best days ever; today I feel like rubbish. I am so glad that I have Olly with me as I am in one of the moods where I could just disappear. Mood today 2/10.