Just looking 

Wednesday 1st January 2020 (4.14pm)

I am not going to sit here thinking over the last 12 months or even wondering what the next 12 will hold as what is the point. The last 12 have been and gone and I have no crystal ball to consider the next. Of course there are things which I would like to see happen both personally and professionally but at the moment I am feeling a little unsettled and confused.

As the Stereophonics so aptly put in their lyrics to ‘Just looking’

‘There’s things I want

There’s things I think I want

There’s things I’ve had

There’s things I want to have’

Whilst 2019 taught me so much, I can only work on what I have discovered which will hopefully unlock my confusion as to what I want and where I am going.

I have lost my copilot. That someone who would look at me if I came up with a stupid idea, or steer me in the right direction when I came up with a rash or crazy plan. That person who knew when I was spouting rubbish. That person who would help with such feelings and emotions. That person who would take over the controls when all I saw ahead was thick fog. That person who would allow me to reset the controls, the navigation equipment and give me time to get through the turbulence . That person who I never told. That person.

Is there an ideal solution? No.

Is there a perfect life? Of course not. 

Will there be heartache and struggles ahead? You bet.

All I can do is get through each day with my wingman, Olly. I have no expectations, just hope. I have no plans, just ideas. I have no partner by my side, but an awesome group of friends. Who knows, maybe one day everything will slot into place. I will find a way, I always do.

I know I am not the only one who hates new year, does not believe in resolutions, new starts, new ‘me’, or is struggling, grieving or worried about something or other. If you want to be like me, then I plan to fly each day by the seat of my pants, embrace what or who comes my way with appreciation and start enjoying life again.

Whatever your plans, dreams or aspirations for 2020, I wish you all the very best xx