Thursday 23rd February 2017 (8.03pm)
I have gone back onto my medication. That didn’t last long. This past week has been uneventful apart from yesterday. Yesterday I joined Rhian and many others on a run to raise awareness for her charity ‘2 wish upon a star’. The run was from the Royal Glamorgan Hospital to the University Hospital of Wales which was just under 17 miles. It was a great day and despite the reasons and sadness, there were laughs and smiley faces along the way. The BBC were there along with some other runners from the programme.
Physically I felt good on the run considering I have not run that far for over 15 years and the amount of surgery I have had during this time. The run took us past the fertility clinic which I used. So many memories came rushing back and it made me quite emotional due to what both me and ‘A’ went through. It is unbelievable how things have changed. I have no child, no wife and a mental illness. Inwardly I waved to ‘Frosty’ my remaining frozen embryo and I know I will need to make a decision in the upcoming weeks about what to do. It is as blunt as keep or destroy.
Ironically, today I received the letter from the clinic asking what I wanted to do. It will cost me £325 to store for another 12 months. It is not about the money, but right now I cannot bring a baby into my life as things are just too chaotic. I can only just look after myself! My life has changed too much from the original plan. Legally it is my decision alone and if I get it destroyed perhaps I am giving up on ever having a child. There is also the possibility of it not working out again. Could I cope with this alone? Would this be an added FAILURE? Lots to think about. Plus I have Olly who is just perfect for me.
On a brighter note I had my Silverstone half marathon pack through which is on 12th March.
Current mood 4/10